The rape capital of the world - Are women safe to travel and live in India?
Rape, rape, gang rape, rape murder... That's what mostly hits the headlines in my native country's media when they write/talk about India. Even my closest friends keep bringing this up. A lot of girls ask me on social media if I'm not scared of travelling alone in India or living there. Ugh, such a vile country for women, India - the promised land of nonconsensual sex. And now, I want to debunk this myth. India is NOT unsafe for a woman.
I've lived and travelled all over India for the past 3 years. I've hung out driving around in a car a whole day with a group of guys. One of them did try to kiss me, but I said no and he respected it. I met a man on a bus while I was travelling and since we were going the same way, he guided me through all the transportation. When he heard that I planned to sleep the whole night at a railway station, he invited me to stay with him and his friend's family, treated me with a big homely dinner and a good bed and drove me to the station in the morning. Hell, I met an Indian man online and travelled to India for our first date and now we plan to marry. Not even once have I felt like I was in any danger. I have experienced a lot of staring and harassment by men - the former by numerous women too. I've even been groped a couple of times out in the public. But as unpleasant and distressing it is, it's not dangerous or threatening.
This in no way means that there is no serious rape problem in India. For all the stories I've heard, the injustices in the system I've read about, I feel extremely sympathetic and sorry. However, there is also a real problem with Western hypocrisy in this matter.
Rape is a global issue. That's clear just by looking at the numbers, rape cases per capita. A couple of years ago, India came in only fifth in the world by per capita numbers, topped by progressive, developed Western countries such as England, the US and the Scandinavian gender equal bliss of Sweden. My country Finland was number 10.
A popular counterargument to this would be that a great number of rapes goes unreported in India, but don't be fooled that would not be the case in the West too. Victim shaming and lack of appropriate sentencing are a universal issue. Just recently, a rapist basically just got slapped on his fingers by the Finnish court. The logic was that a heavier sentence would have ruined the man's otherwise reputable life.
Finland - titled the most equal country in the world - made marital rape illegal as late as 1994. And we should remember that the once colonised India is a far more populous, younger and much less developed country.
I've faced a sexual assault in Finland. I didn't report it to the police, because I was drunk at the time and didn't have a clear memory of the attacker's face. I did not want to be shamed and doubted on top of the fear and trauma I felt. I've been groped a thousand times more in Finland than ever in India. I would only need to go clubbing on a Saturday night and it's almost guaranteed that I would feel unwelcome hands on me. And somehow here it is considered normal and somewhat acceptable. Boys will be boys.
The hypocrisy does not end here!
While we demand foreigners from different cultures and ethnic backgrounds coming to our countries to behave accordingly to our culture, we think that it is okay for us to go to countries like India and keep on acting as if we were still at home. Or often we behave even worse. We travel far away from our society's constraints to places with cultures we value so little that we don't feel the need to respect their constraints at all. We ban Muslim women from wearing hijabs and burkhas, but consider it completely acceptable for us to stroll around Indian villages wearing nothing but a bikini. In popular tourist regions like Goa liberal clothing would not result in much of a backlash or dangerous situations, but many local people would still see you as being crude and disrespectful. Western cultures pretty much judge wearing a teeny weeny string bikini in the middle of their cities and towns as inappropriate too, so how does it suddenly become a basic women's right issue as a visitor in much more conservative countries?
I'm not saying rape is EVER the woman's fault, but I do think that many western women who come to India are acting stupid, careless and ignorant towards the cultural environment they're in. And I fail to understand why it is so wrong to say that! I wish we could all do whatever the hell we wanted - stroll around naked if that's what it is - and the world wasn't a bad place, but it sometimes is. So why not take precautions, like we wear seatbelts or helmets in traffic, take better care of our bags in well known pickpocket areas or don't go flashing our shiny rolexes in Brazilian slums.
I avoid dark, empty alleys in Finland too. I don't accept drinks from strangers or go home alone with someone I just met unless I plan to have sex. In India, I take some more culturally appropriate measures to stay out of harms way, which I've been lucky enough to do. Here are my best tips to feel safe in India as a woman.
1. Keep a positive, open mind, while also being careful in a healthy way. Don't be inconsiderate, but don't be too scared either. Have a steady head between your shoulders and think on your feet. This is the number 1 advice I always give to girls. By being kind and open towards people you often attract more goodness and are able to enjoy beauty, but while I feel completely safe in India and love the country, I also feel it's essential to consider risk factors too!
2. Do your research and practise cultural awareness. Find out about places, routes, transport, appropriate eating, customs etc. before you go. Knowing what you're doing helps you in feeling safe. It boosts confidence, while insecurity often attracts those who would try to take advantage of you.
3. Learn how to firmly say no and even completely ignore people. This was especially challenging for me as I'm a social person who smiles and talks a lot to strangers too. But social interactions follow very different rules in India. In most families women aren't supposed to talk or even show their face to male family members outside the most immediate family. Girls and boys are kept very much separate everywhere. That's what people have seen all their lives, that's what they're used to and see as the norm. So even looking a man in the eye and smiling could be interpreted as an invitation and flirtation for closer contact. If you have a resting bitch face, consider yourself a lucky girl in India. Learn a few Hindi words to drive men away. Jaao!
4. Copy the locals. They know their culture and rules of interaction the best. Observe how especially women conduct themselves in public. Do you see local boys and girls kissing and hugging in the street? No, you don't, so avoid PDA.
5. Avoid travelling and arriving somewhere alone at night. It goes to Uber, Ola, rickshaws, buses, (local) trains etc. Though I'd say that you can be quite comfortable and safe in more expensive tourist buses and train classes above sleeper. I'd rather not travel at all than arrive to a place like Delhi when it's already dark and I need to move between places in the city.
6. Adjust your expectations. India is a very different country, a vast, extremely populated country with numerous religions and cultures. It has some of the most helpful, kind people in the world, but also some bad seeds. It has a long history of colonisation and oppression. Developing such a big, diverse nation is extremely challenging. You can't judge India by your Western privilege, but need to walk a mile in an Indian woman's jootis.
7. You're always married. I find it appalling that a woman would need to pretend to already "belong" to another man in order to avoid sexual harassment, but it makes things quite a bit easier, so I do it anyways. Saying you have a boyfriend isn't really enough. Boyfriends don't count and might make you seem even more promiscuous. I actually only stopped wearing a ring in India once I did get engaged in reality, lol.
8. Avoid places where men get drunk.
9. Keep your mobile always handy. If you feel especially uncomfortable somewhere call someone or pretend to.
10. Read number 1 again! Memorise the other tips and then forget them enough to love and embrace all of India.
